Being me

I love being the person that God created me to be.

Most of the time

I just wish sometimes, like today, that I wasn't so hard to be friends with. I was talking to a georgian yesterday and he pointed out that I had left alot of confused people behind when in the course of two weeks I went from being ecstatic about being home to throwing everything in a u-haul and heading north, it was all very sudden he said. When I told another friend that I missed her she replied with such a blatantly simple solution that it hit hard...then move back. I don't know what to say to that. I don't know how to say that I wish I could without sounding like an idiot. Because of course I am physically capable of throwing everything back in the u-haul and turning south. But that's just not where I'm supposed to be right now. I don't know how to express my love for the people I left so quickly if they don't already know.

To the georgians that may not understand...
I love you all so much. I'm sorry. It wasn't personal. Missing people, leaving stuff behind, it's the price I pay for the life I chase, but I hope you don't think it was easy or that I'm wishy washy. My physical presence in your life is no indicator of my amount of love for you. I'm sorry that's not "normal"

To the georgians who understood without explaination...
Thank you!

War....what is it good for?

Besides butterflies of course.

So I was listening to NPR and I tuned in to the end of a story about a guy in Iraq. They had sound clips from one of his friends talking about him and stuff they did for a while and then the lady comes on with her monotone NPR voice and states that he was killed the other day in an explosion and that friends and family were posting their farewells to his myspace. I cried all the way from Hwy 54 to 540.

WHY!?!

Every human being has a life why do we feel the need to take somebody elses? What drives one person to kill another one, or himself for that matter. It sounds like such a naive plea, because it is, but I can't help crying "make it stop!"

I remember the first time I really grasped the thought of the US being at war. They were describing the triumphant home coming of Jessica Lynch. I listened to the story, she was 19, so was I. I cried then too.

I hate war.

About the whore thing

So apparently I offended some people who did not catch the derek webb reference and actually thought I was calling myself a whore in the litteral sense of prostitute etc....I apologize....let me clarify...

I do not actually literally consider myself a whore in the sense of fish net thigh highs on a street corner at 2am. However...

I am often appalled at how quickly I turn from God and his grace and seek satisfaction in ephemeral highs. Christ offers me a position at His side as part of His perfect bride the Church, and washes me clean and sees no scars. I then take that image that He loves so much and throw it back in the mud. So He srugs His shoulders walks over holds out His hand to my muddied up one and starts over. So to recap when I used the quote "I am a whore" from "Wedding Dress" it was reffering to the idea that God offers His unconditional love and I accept that but then try and take off and still do whatever the heck I please while holding onto the title of His child, essentially cheating on the one I vowed to love and live for eternally. My apologies for not being clearer.

Ode to Marc

So I was thinking today about my good friend Marc who spells his name with a "c" just to throw us all off and separate the true friends from those think they know him. Seeing as you are the only person who I KNOW reads this board from time to time I figure it was only fitting to dedicate a post to you so here it is the ode to Marc Baumgardner.....

Artist, guitarist,
Techy and poet
friend of my brother,
Son of the Cubitts,
Travel the world God chaser
Leave home behind but remember it's there
Climb high drive far
don't throw your club
you may need it on the next hole
Take care take heart
Take hold of Christ
We love you Mr. Marc
And we're proud of your life!

So there you go Ode to Marc written on the spot....not exactly publishable, but I just made it up so give me a break. Seriously though I'm proud to count you as one of my friends and I can't wait to see where God takes you.

I am a whore I do confess

So basically me and God have some stuff to talk about....about cleaning up some messes I've made in my life. About the way my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and I treat it like crap....more on that later....

Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings...

So my brother is in Korea...not North Korea, but that was a fun little half hour of panic as I tried to figure it out. I love my brother I miss his amazing dorkiness. In all his brilliance and thinking that regular human beings understand partial differential equations. But then he thinks that everything he needs for a year can fit in a back pack and a carry-on.

I know he is growing wherever he is I just wish he was growing and learning on this side of the planet. Even though he has no common sense.....at all.....he can still be a voice of....

okay he can still be a voice.

I LOVE YOU JONATHAN SKOLROOD!!! Hurry Home!

Ice cream and men...

No offense to all my much loved guy friends out there but I have to say I have thoroughly enjoyed having just girlfriends for a while. Elisabeth and I have spent the evening flipping through facebook pictures, and talking about men with a 1/2 gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and two spoons between us. I love her. I can't believe I survived the last 11 years of my life without her constant presence in it. I am so happy here. This set up is going to be very bad for my weight class but I don't care right now, Peachtree will be light medium heavy anyway so who cares if I'm a couple pounds out.

I have also discovered that with Megan being just as much of a slob as me I feel no pressure to clean anything....ever....as such I cleaned the whole apartment this afternoon.

Also, I have realized the definition of unconditional love as I spent over an hour cleaning crap out of my car in the pouring rain and bathed the culprit twice consequently getting drenched from head to tow in suds and dog hair I then collapsed on the bed, looked at Bo and just thought "I think I would die without you in my life you crazy fool."

I'm very happy right now. Exhausted and still technically jobless but overall pleased with the course of this life I've been given.

Gone to Carolina.....

Nothing would be finer than to be in Carolina in the morning.....whoever sang that obviously didn't mean at 12:30am on a Saturday night. It was a hell of a move and it took the whole judo team on the Georgia end to load me up....four of us to drive up and then four more NC natives met us up here to unload. It may take a village to raise a child but it takes two states to move a Skoly.

All in all everything is amazing here. I love my apartment and getting to see Elisabeth all the time and then of course living with Megan is turning out to be the most amazing decision ever. I did have a good cry when my judo girls shipped out, but it will be good. And then today it really struck me that this is not just a weekend vacation that I have to go home from. I am home. It was a hard wall to run into...I called Kevin amd talked for awhile just to feel connected to the old world for a while. The dojo here is fun though. I worked out for the first time today and it was an amazing decision. I didn't really feel up to it but now I'm glad I did because I am actually starting to feel like I belong here. Now I just have to find a job and I'll be okay. It's going to be amazing it's just hard to rip up all the tender roots that I've managed to put down and transplant. I am settling in and I'm not sorry I moved I just sort of wish I could have brought Georgia with me....

On the road again

I forever wander and I'm never content with one spot....give me a couple of weeks and I'll be bound for the other side of the world. I haven't even moved to Chapel Hill yet and I'm already planning what will happen when my lease is up. Maybe Peru bound with Kevin, maybe Peru bound alone. Only God knows. Guide my path Lord and show me your will, I may run and stop and falter and slide and stray but I will forever love You and desire your Spirit to intertwine with my soul and fill me up. Hold my hand as I run.

Sucked in and Stressed out!

AHHHHHHHH I'm trying to move in a week, I have packed nothing! I'm exhausted and I have no idea how in the world I will pull all of this off. It's insane. I need God I need to get back to where I was with Him this summer. How easily I settle back into my old routine and forget all that I have learned. I have been taught so much and the lessons have been painful. Yet despite it all I get sucked right back into the day to day life that I so joyously left for that brief period. Hopefully this move to NC will help bring me back to where I need to be. I need God's help. I even have second guesses about whether or not I'm making the right decision since I wasn't deep in the presence of God when I made it. So true the lines "I never will forget your love for me and yet my heart forever is wandering." My weary feet long for rest.