Step by step...

I am slowly but surely in the process of changing my lifestyle to a healthy one. It has not been easy, in fact it's been terribly painful, but I have learned alot.

Here are some of the more significant points in no particular order...

I am a spoiled brat

I have control issues (i.e. fear of not having it)

I will never regret getting up at six and working out, I may regret not doing it. So I should always do what's guaranteed.

A healthy life comes about by making one smart decision at a time.

When trying to get in shape I should never start or stop doing something that I can't keep up forever (cutting out ice cream for example).

Setting tiny, easily achievable goals at first sets up a pattern of success that will get me through when I want to quit.

Wanting to be thin will not help me get in shape.

Wanting to win senior nationals and be able to play with my great grand kids will.

Low calories does not mean good diet.

Food tastes better when I'm hungry the next day than when I'm full right now.

Getting 8 hours of sleep is worth going to bed at 10:00.

Taking control of my food, exercise, and sleep routines helps me to let go in other areas.


So there you go. It's nothing earth shattering, but it is gradually changing my life. And on top of that, it is starting to wake me up to what it means to live a Christ following lifestyle. Those thoughts are much less refined though so it could be a while before you hear more about that.

Beaten

I run this wide open course, like the sagging spirit of an older horse.

That about sums up how I feel today. I'm still going, haven't changed my route, but I'm just worn out. I do the things I do, not because I want to, just because it's what I do. I had a frustrating workout last night and Norm had to work late so I called up a friend from NC that I miss terribly. It was great to catch up, and I felt better for venting, but it made me really miss North Carolina and all the people I love there. So I went to bed in a melancholy mood and slept fitfully all night long.

Nightmares haunted my sleep and chased the dreams away. Nightmares about baby animals drowning and snakes in the amazon.

So I drug my sleepless self out of bed an hour after the alarm went off and attempted to struggle through my morning routine. I was running late and didn't get breakfast, only had enough filtered water to fill my water bottle up half way and slumped out the front door after taking Norm's offering of a banana and stuffing it in my purse along with all other articles known to man. I really need to clean that thing out.

But anyway...it was just a bad twelve hours.

Now I'm exhausted, monotone, ready to call in sick to work except that I'm already here and aside from being generally down, am clearly not sick.

God help me get through this day...also...I love You.

Passion without Foundation

Something I have noticed is the rising trend in amazingly passionate individuals, striving for a cause, a change, a revolution. Passionate individuals without a clue. Those people standing on the corner crying for reform with no knowledge of the current system except that they don't like it. No way of explaining their ideas without an emotionally charged vocabulary that sets themselves up to be taken down by the opposing side and dismissed as fanatics.

I don't disagree with them necessarily. However, unbridled enthusiasm must flow from a solid foundation in order to actually make a difference. The wind itself can roar all it wants but with nothing solid around would it matter? Good ideas presented to skeptics with nothing but passion to guide, only bring laughter and the idea's shot down and the skeptic won't look twice again. So put on some armor before charging to battle and make sure that the cavalry's there. Only then will the ripples turn into waves that appease a world thirsting for change.

Home is where you clean alot

I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom on Saturday, Norm was off coaching a judo tournament and I decided to take the day off. I needed a day, all to myself, to regroup from the past several weeks of running around and driving to North Carolina and competing and working and working out.

I didn't get out of bed until 10:45! Then the fun started...

I didn't realize how out of sorts the past couple of weeks had left me until, all alone, just me and the apartment, I began cleaning. I opened the windows and let Fall into the house. I missed her. Then armed with cleaners in various citrus medleys, I chased the stuffy, hot, sticky Summer out.

It was wonderful!

For nearly six hours I picked up, washed, scrubbed, sorted, and folded to my heart's delight.

Anybody that has known me from childhood would be surprised at how much I enjoyed myself and how important that kind of activity is, but this is my apartment. I'm taking care of my family. I love it. I need it. And Norm needs it too.

There is a very delicate balance in our lives, I have found, and housework factors in. When either ends up carrying the whole load, neither is quite right until the balance is reestablished. I never would have guessed that, but with the house sparkling tranquility reigns again and we had a wonderful Sunday!

Academia

I really enjoy walking to and from work across campus. I kind of makes me miss being in class myself, taking notes, stressing over test scores. But at the time I would have told you that I couldn't wait to get out and not have to worry about whether or not going out with my friends would affect my test and thus my class and thus the rest of my life.

I was a little fanatic.

I enjoy watching the students from my office window, contemplating what classes they are in, where they want their lives to go and why in the world you would ever pair that shirt and those pants and shoes!

I smile to myself at the number of girls that walk around with that red circle on the back of their calves that comes from sitting cross legged for long periods of time. It amuses me mostly because I get those all the time, especially during church or at work, I have to try not to cross my legs too long when I'm meeting with somebody important, otherwise the last thing they see will be a lovely young lady with a large red splotch on the back of her leg. Not charming.

185 days left...

So today is officially day 1 of serious training. Too bad I slept in and didn't workout this morning!

Never fear though...Norm promises to make up for it by starting our evening workout an hour earlier! YAY!

Okay yes there was a good deal of sarcasm there...but not completely...I am determined to follow through on this goal, but that doesn't mean I have to give up all tantrums, just some of them.

The Judo US Open is coming to Atlanta in two weeks. I plan on volunteering that weekend partially for the t-shirt, but mostly to see some awesome Judo and maybe get even more motivated to step up my game.

I figure most of these judo posts are going to bore my readers into oblivion, but I'm okay with that...this is really to keep me on track so hang with me for a bit, promise I'll throw some amusing anecdotes in from time to time...like this weekend when I asked one of my teammates to braid my hair in pigtails and I ended up with 8-10 hair bands in my hair and two braids sticking out of the back of my head like antennae. Pictures soon I promise :)

Working things out

I want to go to Nationals this year for Judo. The end.

Except that it's not. I have a long LONG way to go before I'm ready. Luckily I just found out that there is another club where we can work out at on Tuesdays and Thursdays. That means I have potentially 5 or 6 Judo workouts I can go to every week. Not to mention my normal daily routine.

Now is the time to make a choice. Do I really want to go to Nationals? am I willing to put in the time and effort and finances that would get me there?

Or would I rather work out twice a week here at home and do my little 40 minute workout in the mornings, enjoy my three evenings off (not counting weekends) and be happy with my gradual incline in Judo skill.

I get told I have potential...not just in Judo but in Golf and Equestrian Eventing and Guitar and Dog Training and....

Maybe it's time I buckled down and did something with it.

Maybe it's time I stopped being scared of committing and really threw myself into something with everything I have.

I could really do this I think. I probably wouldn't win, but I think it's about time I gave myself a fighting chance!

She plays her life back in slow motion...

After almost a year of mourning I finally gave up on my GBS CDs finding their way back to me so I ordered the same two...again...

I love them! They bring joy to my face!

On days like today when the sky is dreary and my mood is melancholy and I sit at my desk staring at the computer without actually seeing anything...you'd never guess that inside my head I'm dancing a jig to Donkey Riding.

We made a trip to Chapel Hill last weekend and worked out with Bushido...

It was alot of fun and it was great to visit for a bit but it was very strange...all the things that made Chapel Hill home (mostly just Megan and Elisabeth) were gone. Almost everywhere we went I saw ghosts of myself running with Bo, or sitting in Open Eye or walking Megan to work in the morning while drinking a mimosa out of a nalgene bottle.

As Saturday night rolled around I was overwhelmingly sad and couldn't quite figure out why....then I realized...I missed Norm. Even though he was standing right next to me.

Being in the all the spots where we used to eat and walk on the weekend visits brought back all the emotions, good and bad, that went with it.

But this time as the weekend drew to a close he didn't drive off without me, I didn't cry on Sunday night, and when I woke up the next morning he was still there.

Amazing.

I love the many turns my life takes...it always catches me by surprise and I never know what's going to happen next. And best of all...

No commercials!

Jogging

So I had the grand idea of going jogging every Monday while the beginning Judo class is going on, since I'm mostly just underfoot anyway...and then I'd join them afterwards for the regular workout.

Tragically that day has come...and as I watch the minutes slowly tick by each movement brings me that much closer to the dreaded moment...

Pray for me!