Theme song of the week...

Chase the high ground - where you'd rather be
Where you might be found
Face all aglow, to leave from here
To pack up and go
But it takes some time to get away
And you will have to build from what remains
To run it takes the courage of a lamb
To love, the fierceness of a storm

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder
And everyone's staring , but no one is caring for you now
Just spread your wings, latch onto the breeze
Just take the leap... and you're free

Chase the high ground - where you'd rather be
Where you might be found
This move may erase the troubles in your head
Or expose the absence of your soul
And so, it takes some time to get away
And you will have to tear down what remains
And I can't stand by for goodbyes
So hold on to me, or lead the way

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder
And everyone's staring , but no one is caring for you now
Just spread your wings, latch onto the breeze
Just take the leap... and you're free

Pace yourself when outrunning fear
Take cover when it's dark
And keep an even keel
In your world you're only a phone away
But in my world you're too far to feel
And it may take some time to learn what's real
And you may have to beg and borrow
And you will surely steal
Remember all those lonely sessions
Turned into yesterday's lessons
To never forget love. To never forget love

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder
And everyone's staring , but no one is caring for you now
Just spread your wings, latch onto the breeze
Just take the leap... and you're free

Paloma you cry out you beg for connection
The dreams you seek are straight ahead in every direction
Now you're free
Now that you're free
Now that you're free
You're free

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder
And everyone's staring , but no one is caring for you
Paloma you cry out you beg for connection
The dreams you seek are straight ahead in every direction
Now you're free
Now that you're, you're free
Now that you're, you're free
You're free

Today I watched the greatest thing of all
A flock of birds, preparing for the Fall

*~* Carbon Leaf

Second Chances

When I was thirteen or fourteen years old a small bird called a carolina wren flew into a glass door at my house. It quickly became clear that the bird was not okay. I flew to my room and grabbed a shoe box stuffed a towel in it and put the bird in the box. I asked pleaded and then begging my parents to call the wildlife rehab center. They refused. It's only a bird and wouldn't survive anyway. Suddenly the little wren went crazy for just a minute, then the sound from inside the box stopped. I spent the next hour in my closet sobbing uncontrolably until I couldn't cry anymore and went to bed.

Eight years later...

I'm walking into work today at my boss' house and hear a sound coming from the corner of the garage. It must be a mouse, they've been having a problem with those lately. I look around and find the source of the commotion. There on a small sticky mouse trap, is a very distressed carolina wren. Suddenly I'm 14 again crying in a closet...I have to save this bird! I inspect the situation and grab a glass of water hoping the cold water will lossen the goo that holds the poor bird entangled to the pad. After 15 minutes and very VERY gentle manipulation the wren is free, albeit covered in goo and missing it's tail and most of its flight feathers which are still stuck to the pad from where it had tried to free itself before I got there. I call the wildlife rehab center, the same one I wanted to call eight years ago. They said there's nothing they can do, flight feathers don't grow back, she'll never fly again, turn her loose and let it go. No way in hell buddy! I spent the next half an hour cleaning the left over goo so that she could at least walk and flap what was left of her wings, turns out she has more feathers left than I thought but she still won't fly. I also quickly discovered that without the goop holding her toes together she can run, fast. I spent the next twenty minutes chasing a flightless wren through the house. So now nestled in a towel filled shoebox next to me sleeps a tired and crippled, but healthy little bird. She was given a second chance at life, and I was given a second chance to save one...I'll buy a cage on the way home from work.

A Religion Snob

Have I crossed a line? Have I been so afraid of judging people that I judge people that judge people? Am I so much into not preferring my own country over another that I have begun to despise this land? Am I so concerned about not wanting to be seen as typical "churchy" type that I have turned on my lover's own bride?

I think to some extent I have. I need to work on bringing that into check. Especially as I draw closer to my Peru trip. I love him yet I don't spend the time with him that I would if he were a human person. I need to work on that too. I have so much to refine and shine. It's a wonder anybody can see any reflection at all of Christ in this tarnished life I call my own.

Maybe that last sentence is my main problem...in fact I know it is. I still think of my life as my own when it's not. *sigh* yet another thing to work on...good thing love is patient because poor God has got alot to do before I'm ready to be presented to His kingdom.

Bohemian?

Well I've been called alot of interesting adjectives in my life but Bohemian is the latest one that I've been getting alot and I had no idea what it mean't. So I looked it up.

Bo·he·mi·an
n.

A person with artistic or literary interests who disregards conventional standards of behavior.

A Gypsy.

An itinerant person; a vagabond.

So in actuality it does a pretty good job of describing me. I'm sort of proud of it actually. And fittingly enough my dog's name is Bo which is short for his racing name Bohemian Dicker...excuse me while I look up Dicker right quick.....

Moving on and out...

So it's all over...I made it through and on Wednesday May 10th 2006 I will officially be a college graduate. I thoroughly bombed my last test and then after waiting for all the other people to catch up so I didn't look like I was done TOO early I skipped, ran and somersaulted my way to my car. I found that not knowing the answers at all relieves all the stress of wondering whether you got a question wrong....you have no bloody idea so any answer is just as good as the next. Sorry Dr. Lee, I love you dearly and I never meant to disappoint you with my final lack of effort, God bless you for giving your life and your heart to your students, it's teachers like you that change lives like mine.

So here we go...on to the next stage of life. I am very curious to see where I go next. I leave for Peru June 1st and I'm becoming a little nervous...the good kind that makes me want to dance around like a leprechuan one second and puke the next. I have no idea what to expect, or what I will go through or how much I will ache for home. I've really been too busy to think about the trip much to be perfectly honest, I have spent the last couple of days moving out of my house, so now I have to spend the next couple of days moving out of my car. I think my jeep belonged to Mary Poppins. I have yet to find it's true capacity.

So for the next three or four weeks I am back to being a nomad, a bird with no nest that just hovers over the city until someone offers her a branch for the night. I don't particulary like being adrift, I prefer to have an anchor point. Don't get me wrong I have plenty of places to sleep, just nowhere to live. I find myself getting off of work and heading toward my house that I don't live in any more and then halfway there realizing what I'm doing and that I really have no place to go so I just drive around town aimlessly until I figure out where I'm going to port for the night. I can't decide whether it's liberating or lonely. Maybe the two go hand in hand, maybe solitude is the price of freedom. Maybe there's some truth to the song that says "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." My dad says I'm a desperado, mom says I'm a gypsy, my sister thinks I'm running away, and my friend thinks I just haven't found anything strong enough to hold me. We'll see.