Commitment and Guilt

So I turned Pal, the cocker spaniel, in to the local no-kill shelter. We just couldn't have the two dogs in one apartment. Last night a he cried like crazy and then in the morning as I pulled undergarments out of his mouth I couldn't wait to see him off. Then I got to the humane society.

I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as he bounced out of the car wondering what this new exciting place could be. As I explained why I was dropping him off I got a little bit dizzy. Then as soon as I handed the leash over I desperately refrained from snatching the leash back and avoided looking at Pal who was flopped out like a mop in traditional Pal style on the floor. When the guy moved away Pal happily followed and when I caught sight, through the doorway, of all the identical kennel runs surrounded by concrete the sick feeling turned to down right nausea and I made a beeline for the car, where I promptly broke down into uncontrolled sobs as I cradled Bo's head in my lap.

I felt like I had betrayed him. He was in my care, happy, healthy, and warm. Now he is in some kennel run with cement floors wondering where his people went. All he wants out of life is a bed, some food, and a tennis ball. All of which I had the power to give him, and now I have no control over what happens. He trusted me and I didn't even have the patience to find him a home myself.

You can tell me all day that he is just a dog. I don't care.